Day 1

I am intrigued that the element of having an audience, even an imaginary one, can be a motivator.  I am not going to question it. At this point, I will try anything to get me writing.  Lately, it feels like the words keep bumping into this wall in my own head and creating a blog feels like cracking a window and letting myself breath.  I don't plan on telling my friends or family about this.  In a lot of ways this will just be a place where I come to get a little air and expect that this will live in the darkness of outer-interwebs-space.  Which is just fine.  So with all of that, why has this allowed me to sit down and get words on "paper"?  It doesn't feel like the words are bouncing back and hitting me in the face.  It doesn't feel so lonely.  I can't explain it but here I am writing and it feels good.  Words used to flow so easily and I would sit down and they would come any time I had a moment.  Now, they flow inside my head but get stuck there.  Some of the problem is time and lack of focus.  I find a way to do everything else on my list before I sit down and get some thoughts on paper.  I get frustrated that when I finally do sit down all that comes out is journal-y words that I don't think add up to much.  I know that I just have to get that out before I can get to any meat.  And again, strange that I am fine with this being the place where I can blather on.  It feels more open and less pressurized.  It feels like when I turned the nozzle on the rain barrel yesterday and the trickle of water out of the spout seemed to give it a sigh of relief.  Just a little release.  A slow leak from a an old birthday party balloon, but in a good way.  That feeling after a run when my legs are loose and my face red and the dogs are happy to flop down in the grass when we get back home.  Satisfaction. Relaxation.  I can feel the breeze from this cracked window already.